If it were not for last minute, nothing would get done. |
Always remember that you are unique, just like everyone else. |
Never put off until tomorrow what you can avoid altogether. |
It's not hard to meet expenses - they are everywhere. |
Live long an prosper .. but don't let the IRS know. |
A conclusion is the place where you get tired of thinking. |
The older you get, the better you realize you were. |
Ambivalent? Well, yes and no |
If you were right I'd agree. |
Early to rise, early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy and dead. |
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change. |
Everybody has a photographic memory. Some don't have film. |
Think twice before you think. |
3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. |
For those who like peace and quiet: a phoneless cord. |
If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. |
The first piece of luggage out of the chute doesn't belong to anyone, ever. |
If anything is worth doing, it would have been done already. |
Puns are bad, but poetry is verse. |
Chaos, panic, disorder ....my work here is done. |
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow. |
Don't bother me. I'm living happily ever after. |
I started out with nothing and still have most of it left. |
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. |
A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand. |
Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to be amused. |
A clean house is a sign of a misspent life. |
One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people. |
Women like silent men, they think they are listening. |
I doubt, therefore I may be. |
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? |
Of all the people I met you are certainly one of them. |
Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to? |
If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2? |
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody is there to appreciate it. |
Errors have been made. Others will be blamed. |
I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. |
Better living through denial. |
Can I trade this job for what's behind door #2 ? |
I plead contemporary insanity. |
Love is like an hourglass: the heart fills as the brain empties. |
A pat on the back is only a few inches from a kick in the butt. |
Boldly going nowhere. |
An agreeable person: One who agrees with you. |
The fact that no one understands you doesn't make you an artist. |
Any connection between your reality and mine is purely coincidental. |
It's a thankless job, but I have a lot of Karma to burn off. |
I'm out of my mind, but feel free to leave a message. |
He who laughs last probably doesn't understand the joke. |
I wish there was knob on the TV to turn up intelligence. There is one called "brightness", but it does not work. |
Only trained personnel should change the light a t the end of the tunnel. |
On a scale of 1 to 4, what are your feelings about the color green? |
7/5th of all people do not understand fractions. |
43% of all statistics are worthless. |
668: The Neighbor of the Beast. |
What's the difference between ignorance and apathy? I don't know and I don't care. |
Love your enemies: they will go crazy trying to figure out what you are up to. |
Living on earth is expensive, but it does include an annual free trip around the sun. |
It's not an optical illusion, it just look s like one. |
Give a man an inch and right away he thinks he's a ruler. |
When I have to choose between two evils, I always like to try the one I have not tried before. |
Conscience is what hurts when everything else feels good. |
Room service? Send up a large room. (Groucho Marx) |
A day without sunshine is like, you know, night. |
A tidy desk is a sign of a cluttered drawer. |
Computers are not intelligent. They only think they are. |
If it wasn't cool out today, it would be warmer. |
Those are my principles. If you don't like them i have others. |
Thesaurus: Ancient reptile with an excellent vocabulary. |
They say I have A.D.D, but they just don't understand. Oh look! A chicken! |
Some days it's not even worth chewing through the restraints. |
Time wounds all heels. |
Diplomacy, the art of letting someone have your way. |
Every day I get up and look through Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I'm not there, I go to work. |
I wish I knew then what I know now that I just forgot. |
So much to do and so many other things to distract me. |
Here I am and what are your other two wishes? |
There are 10 kinds of people, those who understand binary and those who don't. |
My halo is temporarily out of order. |
Never confuse hospitality with endurance. |
Whatever hits the fan will not be distributed evenly |
I do know all the answers, but i have been sworn to secrecy. |
Embarrassing my children, just one more service I offer. |
I am at one with my duality. |
Blessed be the flexible, for they can tie themselves onto knots. |
False hope is nicer than no hope at all. |
I am willing to make the mistakes if someone else is willing to learn from them. |
Despite the high cost of living it remains popular. |
I think I think, therefore I think. (I think...) |
Math and alcohol don't mix. Don't drink and derive. |
According to most recent surveys, five people of ten are half. |
Nostalgia ain't what it used to be. |
Copy from one it's plagiarism; copy from two, it's research. |
No raindrop considers itself responsible for the flood. |
Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of. |
Two rules for success: 1. Don't tell everything you know. |
Money talks - mine says "Goodbye". |
Everything comes to he who hustles while he waits. |
I used to be schizophrenic, but we are ok now. |
First things first, but not necessarily in that order. |
I'm not a complete idiot - several parts are missing. |
Sleep is a poor substitute for caffein. |
Reasons to smile: Every 7 minutes of every day, someone in an aerobics class pulls hamstring. |
Gravity .. It's not just a good idea. It's the law. |
Tag lines are a waste of time. Take this one, for example - it makes no sense at all. |
